So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
