this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
