i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
