Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
