I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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