No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
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