in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
