turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
