Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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