i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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