Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
