well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
