I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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