i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
