Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
