I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
