I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
