Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
