i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
