She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
