I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
