careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
