I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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