He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
