So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize