Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
