Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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