at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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