Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
