When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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