He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
