hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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