You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
