Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
