i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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