This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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