he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
