maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize