i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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