ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
