Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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