The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
this is an emotional support booty call
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
