took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
