good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize