she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
