her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
