Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
