I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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