When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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