Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
