Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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