k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
