Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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