I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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