You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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