Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
