I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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