just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
All the doctor said was why
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
