...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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