I will die if light touches me.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
