he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
