i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
