so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
