Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He did a backflip because drugs
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
