Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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