I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
