I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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