dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I am never drinking with the goths again.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
