I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
