:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
