OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
