I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
