While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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