So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
