she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
