There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
