I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
