First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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