he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
it glows. i had to have it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
