I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
