We named our party play list daddy issues
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
