omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
