My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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